Starring: me (and hundreds of others)
Ownership and Allegiance
This story starts around 2002, where a forum (let’s call it “SoxTalk”) gained notoriety for pushing sabermetrics — evidence-based analysis of baseball statistics. The worst aspects of baseball scouting — tribalism, lack of rigor, racism, bullying, snap judgments — were ridiculed. Analytics and rigor were rewarded. SoxTalk was at the leading edge of the analytics revolution across sports. It even directly impacted the Red Sox. We were very proud of it.
Some dozen years ago, a guy (let’s call him “Wally”) bought the site. He tried to bring some measure of order to the site… Or so we thought. Reality is less savory. In politics forums, he trotted out small false equivalences, slight double-standards, tiny dismissals. He always called President Obama “dummy Obama” in drive-by posts. It was his site, so he was tolerated. “Who cares if he and his friends link Breitbart and InfoWars? (in 2010, mind you)” reasoned everyone, “it’s durable community that we built and love, and it can tolerate a little wingnut.”
Moving the Center
Wally would give self-described “conservatives” a long leash, and quickly suspend or ban those who critized him or the behavior of reich-wingnuts. “No ad hominem” he claimed, and the “centrists” quietly nodded along. Why? They were invested in the community AND the identity of “the center” that they were moved to enable Wally and his cadre. Some centrists dismissed concerns, saying, “the internet is not a real place. This is just people talking.”
Over time, each tiny cut rested on the premise of previous ones. And it slowly became writ that “Obama is a non-negotiating hardcore leftist” or “Hillary is hiding something.” Every post in opposition to these baselines needed to relitigate “settled” matters. Truth was increasingly irrelevant.
“Norm” shifted until, two years ago, I realized it’s a toxic place: toxic masculinity, toxic whiteness, toxic wealth, toxic xenophobia.
I should have realized it earlier, but I was being gaslighted. So I missed it.
The signs were there LONG before.
Playing Politics
5 years ago: after the Boston Marathon bombing, people on forums like Reddit (and 4chan) hunted through thousands of pictures to ID the bombers. SoxTalk did too. Folks on the thread cherry-picked brown people as “likely suspects” and others latched on. I (correctly) noted that this is obviously racist, and Wally quickly and forcefully threatened to ban me, saying I was “playing politics” and “playing the race card” in the wake of a tragedy.
As a gaslighted person, I apologized to him.
It took 3 more years — when I was shouted down by self-described centrists for (correctly) calling “America First” a Nazi slogan — to walk away.
I was sleepwalking and I was awoken in that moment.
Suddenly, all I could see was apologia for something sinister, vile. How much had we — a durable community — moved? How did it happen? It took another year-plus of reflection to unpack it all, to realize I was gaslighted.
Civic Wasteland in the Rubble of a Civic Value
It continues for others on SoxTalk. Folks last year were suspended and banned for doing similar things. Their posts mysteriously disappeared when they opposed the moderators’ views. Wally and his gang doubled-down on Carl, Pepe, and other 4chan-approved memes to support baldly neo-fascist “arguments”, shout down opponents, and bully allies. Centrists nodded, as the center was already so far removed from reality.
With Wally’s years-long gaslighting, it is still accepted. And when it wasn’t — punishment. His purges are apparently on hiatus, but the damage is irreparable to SoxTalk.
Toxic communities create emotional load beyond what someone can process — by short-circuiting your ability to process the emotional load, you acquiesce. It’s an adaptive instinct — fight, flee, or tolerate. Every time you visit, you get endorphin hit of being acknowledged, and with it abuse. Eventually, the abuse creates the endorphin hit. A neglected child knows misbehavior will receive attention.
As a result of this, a site that gained its fame for rising above tribalism, bullying, and racism was now a bastion of it. A “place” with high civic value was now a civic wasteland, durability of its foundations be damned.
My Charge, to You
So… What do you do? Here’s my request: reflect. Really look deep.
- Does any of what I tell you feel familiar?
It probably does. We all have our blindspots. SoxTalk was (one of ) mine. You have some, too. - Take an inventory of ALL the places you go, whether in real life or online.
This includes media you consume, the place you work, the people you love. - Ask yourself: “Is this a place I’d have been proud of visiting 5 years ago?”
This took me years. Are you constantly walking on eggshells around people with power in that community when simply speaking truth? - Be honest. Is the community ethical? Is it moral?
Super tough. Look to ethics and moral impacts of the community's words and actions for evidence of your own abuse. How often are you apologizing to yourself for the actions of others in that community? Rules & regulations & “norms” are what gaslighters hide behind. - Cut away the cancer.
Fleeing is extremely hard, too. I had to fight the impulse to visit the site for the first few months. Close the always-open tab. Log out, and delete credentials from my password manager. There are alternative communities. Ask people who give you strength to help you find new ones. I can help a little, too.
We all have power to rebuild our civic communities. We just need to shake ourselves awake to know where we’ve sleepwalked.
Many other SoxTalk refugees were took as well. To this day, some still are — saying “oh I only go for X or Y”.
But that’s not how things work.
A corrupt community is corrupted because good people trust the durability of civic foundations, of “other value”. That’s how fascists win — by creating allegiance first, then abusing you for lack of fervor, then moving the “middle”. Lather, rinse, repeat.
If you are a SoxTalk member, quit. Never go back. You enable evil.
What We Permit, We Promote
Same goes for the country. Quit doing what enables evil. We all continue to be gaslighted the way I was. And we know it’s worked because literal concentration camps of kidnapped children exist and not a single Republican with power has done a thing. Instead, they blame victims and those trying to do the right thing. What gaslighters and abusers do.
Time to wake up. (Especially you, white men.)
For 50 years, by and on behalf of the Republican Party, we have been gaslighted. Not convinced? We live in an era where “welfare” is a bad word, where people say “the Democrats are ALSO bad” in some not remotely equivalent way, and it’s taken seriously.
I took these false objections seriously, so surely you do too.
It’s extremely hard to build something resembling a durable civic community when its foundations are repeatedly dynamited. The GOP — the demolition experts — are emboldened by every vote in their favor, and work to suppress every vote against them.
You may say, “but what about this good Republican?” Gaslighting 101: offer you that tiny breath of fresh air so you will tolerate the stink. They are emboldened by every vote. Only by starving Republicans of their power do we strip them of their dynamite. At every turn.
What we permit, we promote. What we vote for, we endorse.
